Friday, August 8, 2008

It's Been One of THOSE Weeks

We've had quite a week around here. One of those weeks that can just be described as "death by a thousand papercuts." Nothing traumatic, nothing life changing, nothing over the top, just a lot of little annoyances and inconveniences that make life an adventure. Things like:

* Temperatures around 110 degrees all week. Too hot to go anywhere (including swimming), but being stuck in the house (especially a messy, still not unpacked house) can make a person crazy.

* Nate has been working extra long hours as he learns the ropes of his new job. This is his first round of students so everything takes longer right now.

*Going to my 10 year high school reunion and having all the insecure feelings from back then come back.

*Caleb decides to relive his newborn days and wakes up every one to two hours at night. (Teething maybe??)

*I've made a few friends (Praise God!) but still feel unconnected to the way of life here.

*Corban is active and strong-willed, he is absolutely exhausting, all by his own self.

*Dishwasher broke

*Garbage disposal broke

*DVD player broke

*Van broke down (again, we were stuck in the house)
(Can you tell it's also been an expensive week?)

Well, to put it mildly, I've been very weary (read: grouchy) I haven't had the best attitude and have not treated those nearest and dearest to me with the kindness and love that I want to and that I'm commanded to. I've realized my heart has not been in the right place for awhile now, and a week like this was all it took to show my true colors.

This afternoon as I was singing my boys to sleep, I sang one of my favorite hymns to them and tears just fell down my face as I realized how much I needed to rest in my Father's love and surrender my concerns and cares to Him. So I am now resting peacefully in His grace and so thankful that He does not let me go. So onward to the next papercut.

O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go (RUF version)

O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.


Daphne said...

Hey Sweetie,

It's been a rough year this week, hasn't it?! Reading through your household and vehicle breakdowns helped me put things back into the right perspective. I woke up grouchy this morning because last night, I had to throw away a BUNCH of carefully prepared, home-cooked food that was infested by flies when we attempted to have a picnic dinner in our back yard. Housefly Pizza? Yum.

One of the things I love most about you is that you clearly know that God is actively pursuing your heart. Your true colors shine in all His glory :)

If it's any comfort, our 10 year high school reunion was kind of pitty too. The 20 year reunion was SO much better. And now it's time for our 30...getting old sure happens fast!

Your boys are beautiful and delightful, and you and Nate are doing a fantastic job with them. I can't wait to see you all again soon.

Anonymous said...

Friend! What a week. When it rains, it pours!!! I miss your precious family. You are a wonderful wife and mother - and though you might have a had a hard week, in the end you turned to God and remembered that the goal is Christ - not joy, nor peace, nor even blessing. :) Didn't Elisabeth Elliot say that? You would probably know. I love you friend! I smile when I remember the years we pined away for this very season! And now our dreams are coming true one day at a time, only not as poetically as we might have hoped. Right now I hear Micah banging around in his crib while he should be sleeping. It's hard to "lay in dust, life's glory dead." SO HARD. I'll pray for you! I know you've been praying for me and that means a lot. We fall down, we get up. :) The saints are just the sinners who fall down and get up.

Miss you!


Kirsten said...

My prayers are with you as you adjust to life in Oklahoma. I'm so glad you are finding peace. Also, sleep deprivation has A LOT to do with it and remember that you are still post partum even though you may not realize it-it's a lot to deal with all at once. Take time out for yourself so that you can nurture your relationships with your great husband and darling children....take care...