We've had quite a week around here. One of those weeks that can just be described as "death by a thousand papercuts." Nothing traumatic, nothing life changing, nothing over the top, just a lot of little annoyances and inconveniences that make life an adventure. Things like:
* Temperatures around 110 degrees all week. Too hot to go anywhere (including swimming), but being stuck in the house (especially a messy, still not unpacked house) can make a person crazy.
* Nate has been working extra long hours as he learns the ropes of his new job. This is his first round of students so everything takes longer right now.
*Going to my 10 year high school reunion and having all the insecure feelings from back then come back.
*Caleb decides to relive his newborn days and wakes up every one to two hours at night. (Teething maybe??)
*I've made a few friends (Praise God!) but still feel unconnected to the way of life here.
*Corban is active and strong-willed, he is absolutely exhausting, all by his own self.
*Garbage disposal broke
*DVD player broke
*Van broke down (again, we were stuck in the house)
(Can you tell it's also been an expensive week?)
Well, to put it mildly, I've been very weary (read: grouchy) I haven't had the best attitude and have not treated those nearest and dearest to me with the kindness and love that I want to and that I'm commanded to. I've realized my heart has not been in the right place for awhile now, and a week like this was all it took to show my true colors.
This afternoon as I was singing my boys to sleep, I sang one of my favorite hymns to them and tears just fell down my face as I realized how much I needed to rest in my Father's love and surrender my concerns and cares to Him. So I am now resting peacefully in His grace and so thankful that He does not let me go. So onward to the next papercut.
O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go (RUF version)
O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.